Mummipokey's Artifact Base
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Mummipokey runs a a shop within a wooden cabin selling artifacts in Seaside Hill. The mummified cactus will have to come up with cunning, fantastic tales to help sell otherwise useless knick knacks to suspicious customers. Will he be able to do it and profit from such a shady business?
1. Chapter 1

**Mummipokey's Artifact Base**

**By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: I like both Mummipokey and Cheepskipper. Both of these two bosses are so neglected, and it only feels fare that I give them some tribute considering that I use Dry Bowser, Petey Piranha, King Bob-omb, and Goomboss. This is somewhat more special, since these two bosses only appeared one time only and don't even get acknowledged like the previous four do. Anyway, this fanfic will focus on the Mummipokey, and I also wanted to do another Seaside Hill shop fanfic, but with something else in mind beyond food. So that said, enjoy, everyone!

* * *

Mummipokey and Cheepskipper were looking at a wooden shack with not that much objects there, the Bully Business Bureau having finished building it as several Bramballs were in the back, bopping back and forth. Chief Chilly turned to Mummipokey and Cheepskipper as he nodded his head.

"Well, I hope you enjoy the cottage." Chief Chilly stated as he jumped into the air, with the two Ice Bullies following him.

Mummipokey and Cheepskipper looked at each other as they looked at the shack, mildly curious as to how Mummipoket would sell and take cash without arms.

"You do plan on having a couple of helpers, right?" Cheepskipper asked as he glanced up at Mummipokey.

Mummipokey murmured as he turned around, spotting a couple of red shelled Huckit Crabs chucking rocks at each other. "Well, finding help may be easier than I anticipated..."

Later on, having help convince the Huckit Crabs help him out by allowing them to live by the cabin, Mummipokey had the Huckit Crabs in charge of managing the items with their claws, with one particular placed right at the front of the cabin, with Mummipokey doing all the talking.

Things were looking up for the mummified Pokey.


	2. Chapter 2

Mummipokey hummed to himself as he waited for a customer to show up. Coincidentally, one did, and it was a cloud like Foo, who was floating by the area.

"Excuse me, you weird mummified cactus," The Foo remarked as she blinked, floating in front of him. "Do you have anything for a small windy gal like me?"

Mummipokey murmured as he widened his red eyes. "Oh yes! But of course!" He then pulled out a bright yellow sock, holding it with one of his mummified cactus parts. "This sock before you is not ordinary... it was found somewhere in the Dry Dry Ruins! Its bright yellow color sets it apart from other socks. It says that it can increase your mood tenfold." He closed his eyes as he continued. "Rumor has it that an ancient Magikoopa was seen conjuring this sock deep within the pyramids of the Dry Dry Ruins..."

The Foo looked at Mummipokey oddly. "Isn't this just an ordinary sock?" She retorted as she glanced at it.

Mummipokey glared at her angrily. "If it was an ordinary sock, it would come with a double. Do you see a double?" He retorted right back.

The Foo shook her head as she blinked. "No... you have a good point." She then smiled as she nodded her head. "I'll take it!"

"Sold!" Mummipokey exclaimed as the Foo payed him several green dolalr bills, with the Huckit Crab taking the cash and stuffing it in the cash register, the Foo squirming her way into the sock as she squealed joyfully.


	3. Chapter 3

Mummipokey hummed to himself merrily as Toadette skipped over, wanting to get a special antique.

"Heya, Mr. Mummified Pokey!" Toadette giggled as she twirled around, innocently placing her hands behind her back. "Do you have anything special for a sweet little girl like me?"

Mummipokey nodded his head as he smiled. "As a matter of fact, I do..." He then took out a bright red umbrella, handing it over to Toadette. "This umbrella... is not ordinary. It belonged to a king."

Toadette gasped as her eyes widened. "A King!?" She exclaimed, shocked.

Mummipokey chuckled as he nodded his head. "That's right. He was a king of a long forgotten land where they worshiped umbrellas day and night. Umbrellas were top priority, and everyone who didn't have one were hanged..." He closed his eyes as he continued making up stories. "This umbrella saved the king from numerous attacks, and it's quite the collector's item!"

"I'll pay a thousand of my dollars for it!" Toadette exclaimed as she held a huge pile of green dollar bills, placing it on the counter as she took the red umbrella from Mummipokey, gleefully heading towards the eastern direction.

Mummipokey chuckled as he looked at the huge amount of money he made. "Heh... treating these antiques as something much more than trash really does pay off!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey mister!" A male Chargin' Chuck exclaimed as he held a bright, yellow colored flute. "Can you tell me what this is, and how much it costs?"

Mummipokey chuckled as he nodded his head. "That flute you are holding is the flute of the cuckoos, and it heralds from the far off Cloud Cuckooland. Legends have been passed about it, as it has the ability to make you more jolly when you play it."

The Chargin' Chuck rubbed the back of his head with his right hand as he was speechless. "Guh, really?" He stated.

Mummipokey chuckled as he moved left to right. "Why would I lie to a valued customer?" He stated as he continued chuckling, getting another good sale off a typical sucker.

* * *

**Galleom's Commentary**

_"I don't recall the Mummipokey being a sly, convincing con! What is this heresy that made the author decide to actually develop a one note character? Pure rubbish, I say! Humph!"  
_


	5. Chapter 5

Lakithunder hovered over the Artifact Base as he spotted Mummipokey, waving to him. "Hey, Mumbro! Quite a _shock_ to see you here so early!"

Mummipokey chuckled as he glanced up at Lakithunder. "It's nice to see you two, Thor." He joked as he moved his body from side to side. "Can I offer you in a rare, priceless antique?"

Lakithunder waved his hands at Mummipokey. "No thanks, brah. I got to go _light up_ the others. They haven't heard of my sparking power plant!" He then hovered away towards the eastern direction.

Mummipokey nodded his head as he smiled. "Oh, that Lakithunder. He always knows how to brighten the day." He commented as he looked over a bunch of common junk, thinking which one to blatantly advertise as a supposed prized possession.


	6. Chapter 6

Mummipokey was wearing a novelty red and white cap as he was greeted by two Torpedo Teds, who were interested in the mummified Pokey's cap.

"Hey buddy, how much is that cap of yours?" The first Torpedo Ted asked, the one on the left.

Mummipokey smirked as he bobbed back and forth. "Oh, this cap is quite special! I charge it for fifteen bucks for its rarity."

The Torpedo Ted on the right nodded. "What do you mean... rarity?"

Mummipokey chuckled as he opened his eyes, explaining as he slyly advertised, "Well, this cap was used when Universal Studios were recording Dracula back in 1931. It got blown away and was buried here in Seaside Hill for the longest time."

The two Torpedo Teds glanced at each other as they turned back to Mummipokey, unimpressed.

Mummipokey sighed as he narrowed his eyes, tilting down. "Look, do you want the stupid hat, or not?" He muttered in annoyance, "I'm only giving this cap away for a limited time only."


	7. Chapter 7

Mummipokey hummed to himself as Cream The Rabbit strolled by, spotting all of the useless knick knacks that Mummipokey had.

"Oh, hey Mr. Weird Mummy Cactus!" Cream greeted as she waved her right hand, pointing at the obscure objects. "I heard that you sell weird stuff here!"

Mummipokey chuckled as he opened his eyes, nodding his head. "Why of course, my dear! I make sure that all the stuff I sell are of the highest quality!" He then grabbed a generic doll that looked like Silver The Hedgehog, revealing it to Cream. "In fact, I got this special doll from Soleanna! Its charm is that it seems normal, but it can abuse glitches, such as sending you up beyond the atmosphere of Earth for an extended long time!"

"Golly, is that true!?" Cream exclaimed as her eyes widened, holding her hands together in a cute manner.

Mummipokey chuckled as he opened his eyes. "But of course! _It's no use_ ignoring this great deal! Why don't you just come and _take this_ and give it a proper home?"

A few moments later, Cream skipped towards the northeast direction, hugging her new generic Silver doll as Mummipokey chuckled to himself, feeling rather satisfied at another good sale.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ooh, what's that?" Toadette asked as she pointed at a green colored gun.

Mummipokey turned around, seeing the gun Toadette was pointing at. He chuckled, moving from side to side. "This thing? It's a rifle grenade loaded with a potent radioactive isotope! The radioactive isotope is the only one of its kind outside of Oak Ridge National Laboratory in Oak Ridge, Tennessee!"

"Sounds pretty neat!" Toadette exclaimed as she moved her arms about. "But what is it used for?"

As Mummipokey was about to make a guess, the Rhedosaurus walked by, roaring loudly as he glanced at both Mummipokey and Toadette, heading eastward as he headed towards the sandy shore, causing several Huckit Crabs to made a mad scuttle out of there. Mummipokey and Toadette blinked as they turned to each other.

"Well, I guess it killed that guy," Mummipokey insisted as he looked back at the Rhedosaurus. "But I have a feeling that this reptilian is not the one they killed in Coney Island sixty years ago..."


	9. Chapter 9

Mummipokey moved side to side as Mr. Resetti popped up, the mole obviously being upset.

"Hey bub, have you been noticing anyone resetting anything recently?" Mr. Resetti asked, his theme playing in the background.

Mummipokey shook his head as he smiled. "No, but I do have the thing to help you go faster." He then pulled out a pair of blue boots with yellow stickers on the bottom, showing off to Mr. Resetti. "These babies can make you go fast in a flash!"

Mr. Resetti narrowed his eyes at Mummipokey as he was unimpressed. "You're trying to con me, aren't you?"

Mummipokey chuckled as he bobbed back and forth. "Well, con is a strong word..."

Mr. Resetti tunneled back into the ground as Mummipokey frowned, having lost a potential sale.


	10. Chapter 10

Mummipokey was in the process of searching for something to sell to people, when he spotted Toadette, who was moving her hands about in an excited matter.

"Hey Mr. Mummipokey!" Toadette called out as she continued to move her arms about. "Didn't you hear the news? There's a new burger joint being made!"

Mummipokey looked at Toadette oddly, somehow being able to hold a Nabbit doll on top of his head. "Another stand, here in Seaside Hill?"

"Actually, it's in the Ocean Palace." Toadette corrected as she giggled, rubbing the back of her head. "I just finished telling Lakithunder about it at his Power Plant. I'm inviting all of the stand owners to it!"

"That sounds exciting." Mummipokey pinpointed as he moved back and forth. "I'll join you after I figure out how to sell these Nabbit dolls. I imported them from Subcon. They were hard to get because the Albatross continued heading the wrong direction, so I had to wait for a long shipment."

"Ooh, I want one!" Toadette exclaimed as she snatched a Nabbit doll on the counter, hugging it tightly as Mummipokey smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

Mummipokey was busy selling useless knick knacks, when Vivian came up to his stand.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mummified Cactus," Vivian asked as she held her hands together, innocently smiling as she giggled briefly. "Do you have any yummy sweets here?"

Mummipokey chuckled as he move side to side. "Well, not really, but I have just the thing to make you get them easier!" As he was about to get a useless knick knack, he noticed Chief Chilly staring at him from across the stand.

"Don't con the customers." Chief Chilly stated as he moved away from the base.

Mummipokey chuckled nervously, moving slower. "Ehehehe... of course..." He then pulled out a worn out cardboard box, handing it to Vivian. "This box has had many uses, but it would make the best out of containing sweets!"

Vivian gawked as she held the cardboard box, murmuring as she glanced back up at Mummipokey. "But... it's completely worn out. And it smells funny."

"That's because it was used in many wars and adventures, my girl." Mummipokey lied as he managed to convince Vivian that it was true. "Don't judge a book by its cover, or in this case, the box. It's extremely handy."

Vivian giggled as she gladly paid Mummipokey, humming merrily as she headed towards the west, with Mummipokey chuckling to himself as he made a sucker out of another gullible customer, being well meaning of course.


	12. Chapter 12

Mummipokey was selling his usual junk as Pokemon's May from Generation 3 came up, wearing a ridiculous costume that looked like the pink colored cat Pokemon Skitty.

"What the?" Mummipokey gawked as he squinted at May. "Hey... you're that Haruka girl from Hoenn. May, isn't it?"

"Who is May? I am… **SKITTY WOMAN!**" May exclaimed triumphantly, posing as she proclaimed her profession, being dubbed 'Skitty Woman'. "I am the defender of all that is good and feline! I stand for Skitties, Skitties, and cute wittle Skitties!" She meowed like a Skitty afterwards.

"...Right." Mummipokey murmured as he shook his head. "Anyway, the got the perfect thing for you, kid." He then pulled out a statue of a shiny black colored Rayquaza, which was cheaply made. "This special trophy was carved in the depths of the Grumble Volcano by the skeletons who witnessed the shiny Rayquaza coming down from the heavens to grace the volcanic wasteland. It truly is something beyond the eyes can see. Its worth exceeds its actual size."

"I'll gladly take it!" May exclaimed as she raised her right hand, placing her hands on her hips. "And how much does Skitty Woman have to pay you, you awkward mummified cactus?"

Mummipokey smirked as he moved his body faster. "Well, seeing that you're a super heroine, I'd wager... three hundred and sixty five dollars."

May's jaw dropped as she had a shocked expression on her face, her right eye twitching as Mummipokey chuckled, willing to sell it at such a high price.


	13. Chapter 13

Mummipokey hummed to himself as he was putting useless knick knacks on the wooden counter, with a Koopatrol coming up to the stand.

"So, what is this?" The Koopatroll asked, pointing at the constantly color changing mechanical arm.

Mummipokey chuckled as he moved his mummified body about. "It's a special mechanical arm."

"A special mechanical arm?" The Koopatrol commented as he rubbed his chin with his right hand, his left hand on his right shoulder.

Mummipokey nodded as he opened his eyes. "Err, uhh, yeah. It's special because it changes colors every time you use it."

"Wow, really!?" The Koopatrol gawked as he blinked. "That sounds great! Radical!"

Mummipokey laughed as he nodded. "Yes, and for the low price of $99.99, it's yours!"

The Koopatrol gasped, only to get angered as he pointed at the Mummipokey with his right hand. "Wait a moment, that's a cheap ripoff!"

"Oh, all right..." Mummipokey sighed as he rolled his eyes, glancing back at the Koopatrol. "...$99.98."

"Now you're talking!" The Koopatrol commented as he paid Mummipokey and took the special mechanical arm, with Mummipokey chuckling as he had one of the Huckit Crabs place it away.


	14. Chapter 14

"So Mr. Mummipokey, how do you keep all of these weird items in check?" Silver The Hedgehog asked as he move various different items about.

Mummipokey chuckled as he turned to Silver. "Well, I have the various Huckit Crabs organize a bit for me. When I need a particular item that captures my interest, I just fire off one of my many cactus parts at it.

"...With your mummified body?" Silver murmured as he folded his arms together.

The Rhedosaurus was playing around with a tall, wooden grandfather clock as he shook his head, being interested in it. Mummipokey chuckled as Silver gawked, running up to the Rhedosaurus.

"Rhedo, no! That's not a toy!" Silver exclaimed as he then turned his head to Mummipokey. "But you're probably going to bill it that, aren't you?"

"You read me like a book," Mummipokey laughed as Silver sighed, with the Rhedosaurus snatching the clock and munching it in his mouth.


	15. Chapter 15

Mummipokey was shocked to find Hucky the Huckit Crab at his shop. "Oh hey, Hucky. What brings you here?"

Hucky sighed in disappointment as she glanced up at Mummipokey. "Oh, Cheeps is acting a little mean, so I decided to leave the boats shop for a while."

Mummipokey had a weird expression on his face, not the usual weird expression he always had. "Didn't you leave earlier for the Ocean Palace?"

"I did, yeah." Hucky commented as she glanced back up at Mummipokey. "But this time, I need some alone time. Cheepskipper can't appreciate my company."

"Well, he should. You're a good helper." Mummipokey commented as a thought came to him, looking back down at Hucky. "Say... aren't you from World 4-3 in NSMBW?"

"World 4-3? You mean the tropical world in NSMBW, which is also known as the Cheep Cheep River? The same one that was used in the crossover Sonic Olympic London 2012 game for the Dream Rafting event?" Hucky remarked as she nodded her head, bouncing about. "Yep! I'm actually the Huckit Crab on the yellow platform below the first star coin!"

"I knew I recognized you from somewhere!" Mummipokey stated as he then gave Hucky a bright, yellow Star Coin. "I was saving this for a particular event, but it looks like that just came by today!"

"Ooh, I love it! Thank you, Mummsy!" Hucky exclaimed joyfully as she gladly took the star coin, waving goodbye to Mummipokey as she continued heading eastward in Seaside Hill.


	16. Chapter 16

"These street lights Lakithunder installed here definitely come in handy." Mummipokey stated as they lit up brightly, the white light shining the dark night as Mummipokey was able to have his base open longer. "Now I'll be able to have more business!"

It was then that the small creature Tumble popped up, being instantly recognized by the blue colored Dice Block on its head.

"Wow, you're a surprisingly rare critter." Mummipokey stated as he moved towards Tumble. "So, anything you want?"

"Yeah! I want you, _big boy_!" Tumble exclaimed, giggling as she winked at Mummipokey, the boy having feelings for the mummified cactus.

Mummipokey chuckled nervously as he backed away. "Err... look, kid, I'm not available. Just pick what you want, and it's yours."

"And that is you, **mah boi!**" Tumble exclaimed gleefully as he hugged Mummipokey tightly, with Tumble giving all her love to Mummipokey as he tried breaking free from the dice wielding thing.


	17. Chapter 17

"How much... is this star coin?" Yellow Toad asked as he pointed at the yellow colored star coin hovering next to Mummipokey.

Mummipokey smirked as he eyed the yellow colored Toad. "Why, yes it is, my generic filler slot nobody wants to use. It's actually quite a gem, I got it from a horde of hungry Chain Chomps in an electrified field with many flamethrowers spewing red hot flames at me."

"R-really!?" Yellow Toad exclaimed as he held his hands together. "Can I have it? Please!?"

Mummipokey nodded, and as Yellow Toad became excited, a black colored Chain Chomp literally popped out of the ground, attacking the yellow colored Toad and shaking him about as he then spat him out at a nearby blue cannon, which spewed out red flames as Yellow Toad screamed in pain.

Mummipokey chuckled as he moved his body from side to side. "Heh, heh, heh. That's _So_ Kaizo." He joked, winking at the Chain Chomp, who barked back at him.

Cue badly canned laugh track.


	18. Chapter 18

Mummipokey hummed as he was looking through various clocks, before spotting one broken green colored watch, which had a picture of Dry Bowser on it.

"Huh. What's this doing here?" Mummipokey asked as he looked at it with interest, glancing up to see the Honey Queen Bee buzzing up to the stand.

"You have anything for a big ol' cutie like me?" The Honey Queen giggled as she blinked a couple of times.

Mummipokey stared blankly at the Queen Bee. "Well, I got some watches. You want them?" He then cleared his throat as he tried making up a tale. "I got them from teleporting all over the place in Great Britain. These watches really make you look classy, governor."

"Ooh! Sounds complicated! I'll take thirty, no, forty!" Queen Bee exclaimed as she clapped her hands together. "Or maybe fifty, or sixty! Sixty four watches, ohohohoho!"

"That's... a bit too much, miss." Mummipokey commented as the Honey Queen Bee continued giggling, with Mummipokey feeling a bit odd.


End file.
